The story and voice acting was okay, and your attempts at VFX were good for a beginner, but you really ought to make your animation smoother (more frames + a higher framerate) and try to design sets. I know it's difficult due to the sheer size of constraction figures (trust me, I spent nearly half a decade doing BIONICLE animations) but seeing curtains and a keyboard and random bits of furniture is a real turnoff.

However, it's refreshing to see that you've gone for voices rather than subtitles. I don't know if you're familiar with Scotttjt and Kylernuva135, but they normally do exactly the kind of video that this is, but with subtitles rather than actual voices. Scotttjt is a really really really good storyteller (while Kylernuva135 is not) but the lack of voice acting and of any semblance of a set really detracts from his work.

That said, you're off to a good start. I hope all this helps, and feel free to message me if you want any further advice. If there's anyone on the forum to ask about animating BIONICLE/Hero Factory figures, I'm your guy.

"Nothing goes down 'less I'm involved. No nuggets. No onion rings. No nothin'. A cheeseburger gets sold in the park, I want in! You got fat while we starved on the streets...now it's my turn!" -Harley Morenstein