can anyone help me improve this script for my cousins video, this is for her work so please be serious and do not steal this

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(Opening title slide) PH Film – Lego animation

(Title slide) Pathology - What makes us sick.

Breakfast

Counting out pills

Derek - “Must remember to take the right pills ….”

Morning
   
Phone call

James - “Hi granddad, what are you doing today?”

Derek - “Oooo, I’m too tired & achy.  I’m going to put the TV on lad”

James - “Ok, can I come over I need to ask you questions for a project”

Derek - “If you want to”

Midday

(sat at table) James - “So, just one last question what changes have you had since retiring?”

(making food at counter) Derek - “When I retired son, I lost all my contacts and now I hardly ever see anyone anymore”

Walks over from counter with plates

James - “Oh, are we having beans on toast again for lunch?”

Evening
   
On own – napping

(Title slide) Salutogenesis - What keeps us well

Breakfast

Eating on a sunny patio

John - “Ah, what a lovely day …..”

Morning

Grandchild arrives

John - “Come on sonny, what shall we do today?”

James - “Let’s get our bikes and go for a ride in the park & feed the ducks”

Midday

Sat on park bench

James - “so granddad I need to ask you some questions for school”

John - “ok, fire away”

James - “ and the last question what changes have you had since retiring”

John - “When I retired, I got and allotment. Now I’ve got fruit and veg all year around...and I see lots of people there most days”

(Gets up from bench) James - “Come on then granddad, let’s pick something for lunch”

Evening

Visitors – playing a board game