Ha, well...Ummm, I would explain, but it would involve spoilers.
Yes, it's for dramatic effect, yes, it's like that for a reason, but if there's a way to improve it while retaining a slight unnatural feel to it, I'd be more than open to re-doing that bit when I get back from church camp.
Oh, and I'm sure Jonn has a great script, but I don't think you're supposed to announce that to the world....Especially if you've been helping several other people with ideas. It may display a bit more bias than you mean it to, and it's a bit discouraging to those with obviously lesser scripts/ideas. (AKA, me.)
That being said, I may just be over-reacting, and if so, just ignore silly old me.