I'm sorry guys, but this thread is basically the definition of wangst.

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No idea... actually.

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Meh. I am sorta liked in my school. Considering my age, I've never had a girlfriend yet, but I'm thinking of asking my crush out soon. We're on pretty good terms. I usually get along with everyone, and I get along with the ladies cause I practically live with my 2 sisters and my mom, so I know more about "girl" stuff then most of the guys in our grade...

P.S: By "Girl" Stuff, I'm not being sick and talking about their.... anatomy.

If you don't like it, don't post. We're all aware how much more meaningful your life is than ours, so you can stop complaining when some people want to talk about things that you don't like listening to. Seriously, it's hard to see no evil if you're looking for it.

I've been madly in love with a girl named Hilary ever since I first laid eyes on her.

We met in the Summer of 2005, where we attended an arts program at the California Institute of the Arts.  She was there for performing arts, I for animation.  At the time, I had a girlfriend back home in Connecticut, and I resisted all urges to sully the trust between us.  I spent every day for a month with Hilary, learning who she is, falling for her, but knowing it can't be.  I'm from Connecticut, she's from California, and with a girlfriend back home, my options were severely limited.

I returned home after the program, after a teary goodbye settled with an unsatisfying farewell kiss as I was shuffled onto a bus to the airport, leaving a beautiful sobbing girl behind on the sidewalk, tears running from breathtaking eyes down lightly freckled cheeks.

When I got home, I discovered my girlfriend had been cheating on me the whole time I was in California.  She broke up with me online, as I sat in a dark room illuminated only by the light of my laptop.  When the computer turned off, I was truly alone.  As if the heartbreak of not being able to be with Hilary wasn't enough, now my girlfriend completely abandons me, causing me to lose all trust for her.  Having never felt this type of heartbreak, I was led into one of the darker periods of my life.

Hilary and I still talked on the phone occasionally, one or twice every week, but the frequency of the calls diminished after a while, that is, until she told me about her college tours.  She was looking at schools up and down the East Coast, and was staying in Stamford, CT for a few days as she looked at schools in New York City.  Stamford is a mere 10 minutes away from my house.

April 10th, 2006 was when we saw each other again.  I had gotten taller, my hair had gotten longer, I was still slightly awkward, yet somehow that was endearing for her.  She, however, had become even more beautiful, a concept that I found absolutely impossible at first.  We laughed, we talked, I took her to all of my classes and we passed notes with stupid drawings on them.  She came to my play rehearsal and she bonded with my friends over our mutual love for the theater, and even participated in some songs.  We went to dinner, walked along Greenwich Avenue, and saw Thank You For Smoking at a local independent movie theater, because it was before the movie had gotten big.  (She loves indie films)  I, for the first time in a while, was filled with bliss, questioning how it could get any better, but that night, (and, to keep it PG) I shared with her some of the most passionate kisses I've ever experienced in my entire life.  She slept in my bed, and I took the couch in the living room.  She wore a pair of my pajama bottoms, because she had forgotten hers.

The next day, my mother dropped me off at school, because Juniors weren't allowed to park at my high school.  She was going to take Hilary back to her hotel so her mother and her could continue on her college search, up into Massachusetts.  We stood in the theater hallway, her crying again, holding me.  She made me promise I'd see her again.  I did, thinking I was lying.  She was going back to California, and I would never see her again.

I called her that night, crying.  Telling her how much I already missed her, and how I needed to see her again, and how I would try my damnedest to make it happen.  After I hung up, I laid down on my bed, where my pajama bottoms sat, still smelling like her.  I didn't sleep that night.

I was 16, it was April of 2006, and for the second time in less than a year, I was hung up on this girl, distraught enough to ruin my entire psyche.

For a while, I tried to ignore it.  That summer, I rushed into a relationship with a girl I only liked as a friend.  I flirted with girls from my theater program, making out at parties, just playing the field, trying my best to get her out of my mind.  We talked occasionally, but I had been a total flake.  She started dating this guy, who wound up treating her like crap.  Who knows, maybe she was trying the same thing... getting me out of her mind, because she liked me too much  I can only hope.

We started talking a lot during my first year of college.  As the year progressed, we chatted more, and she revealed that the guy who she started dating had broken up with her.  Turns out he goes to SCAD, and I had worked on a film with him.  ...he was an !@#$%^&, lol.

We arranged a trip, and in August of 2008, I went to visit her at her house for 5 days.  I saw her at the gate of the airport as I touched down.  I could barely walk, I was so nervous, but when I saw her, I wasn't jittery anymore.  I melted.  Somehow, this girl had become even more perfect.  I was no longer awkward looking.  I was tan, tall, and after the summer, I had filled out.  My hair was still long, though not at chaotic as before.  I met her friends, we went camping, kayaking, watched movies, stayed up until 3 in the morning completing a puzzle.  Her parents loved me, her little brother and I really connected, and I felt accepted, and, more importantly, more in love with her than I had ever been.  She laughed at everything I said.  We'd drive around for hours, just listening to showtunes and singing along.  She'd embarrass me by playing songs I wrote, right in front of her friends.  They liked them, but that casual teasing just made me want her more.  I got butterflies around her, questioning when I should tell her how I feel.

I never got up the guts.  This girl means the world to me, and I don't know if she knows it.  I just couldn't freaking do it.  It seemed like such a monumental thing at the time, but looking back, I could have talked to her about it any time.  I'm picking up on signs now that I should have noticed 6 months ago.  Her friends and I all slept in one bed the last day, talking until 4 in the morning, her and I resting up against each other.  I should have told her, because now, I have no idea when I'll see her again.

This is why I hate long-distance relationships.  If she went to SCAD, we'd be together.  I long for her more than anyone else, and some nights, randomly, I'll think about her and have trouble sleeping.  There's something there, something that just works.  She's my golden standard.  Short, cute, freckled face, curly brown hair, and a personality so big, it barely fits inside of that cute little body of hers.

I'm going to tell her, but I'd rather it not be on the phone.  I can't live without her knowing, just as long as I get an answer.

Wow, that was a long post.  I hope people actually read it, instead of just tune out, haha!

Thanks for making this thread, T.G-Tom.  I really needed to get that off my chest.

-Dave

nice story!

click me for my YouTube!

wow, that was really really sweet.
You really need to tell her soon Dave,
and im sure that she feels the same way about you

-EmmaExecute

^Click to watch

Wow... That's left me sort of speechless, lol.

-storgero

First time I felt towards anything on the internet. Dave, I salute you.