Hi, I was just looking for feedback on my script. I know its Star Wars, which has been done alot in lego but i felt like I might give it a shot, being my first brickfilm.

Any feedback is great, even if it is bad, also the film will have full lip sync in it. I have done a few tests which i may upload onto youtube.

This is what i have so far:

Scene 1: Mission Objective

Long Shot Of republic attack cruiser over Naboo

Obi Wan Kenobi & Commander Cody Walk Through The Door Into The Control Room Of The Ship

MEDIUM: Of Obi Wan & commander Cody (From Behind)And shows the control room, A few clones & A table with a hologram of Mace Windu

Obi Wan & Commander Cody Walk Towards The Table, Once Arrived The Hologram Starts To Talk...

Mace Windu: We have just received word that the Separatist Army are engineering a new type of battle droid in there hidden factories spread across the galaxy, we have located one of these factories on the planet Hypori... Your mission is to infiltrate the factory & destroy it.

Obi Wan Kenobi: This is not good, if the Separatists successfully develop the droids it would create chaos across the galaxy.

Mace Windu: Exactly, but you must be undetected if this mission is going to go to plan.

Obi Wan Kenobi: My thoughts exactly... (Starts To Think)

Commander Cody: I have an idea, we could leave hyperspace a few parsecs away from Hypori and take a drop ship from there, the droids will never pick up a ship that small on there radars

Obi Wan Kenobi: It's risky, if we are detected we are practically defenseless, What do you think Master Windu

Mace Windu: It might just work... unless you have another plan.

Obi Wan Kenobi: It looks like that's our only option, Commander go ready the drop ship and meet me at the hanger, ill assemble the men.

Commander Cody: As you wish Sir.

Commander Cody leaves the control room, leaving Obi Wan with Mac Windu

Mace Wind: Good look with your mission, I hope it's a successful one.

Hologram Ends and Obi Wan walks out of the control room...

Scene 2: Preparing The Men

Commander Cody walks in the hanger bay where he see's Obi Wan Kenobi talking to a selection of 6 clone

Obi Wan Kenobi: So your mission is this, as soon as we come out of hyperspace in the Hypori system we only have a few minuets to get to the surface of the planet, otherwise we risk being detected, Then we will infiltrate the factory and split up into teams of two, each team will go to a main support beam and plant explosives on it,  once we are at a safe distance I will detenate the charges.

Commander Cody Walks to the front of the men were Obi Wan Is.

Commander Cody: So, do you think your up to it.

Clones: Sir yes Sir.

Ship Comes out of hyperspace and all the troops, including Obi Wan & Commander Cody,run to the drop ship that Commander Cody had prepared earlier and take off.

Long Shot of the rebublick attack cruiser.

Republic Dropship drops from the Attack Cruiser and enters the planet Hypori's Atmosphere.

Thx for looking