I just watched it.
I have to say, it's quite impressive what you've accomplished, and I know how hard it can be to work on the same project for a lot of time (I spent 3 years working on one movie).
However, there are some issues that can't be ignored, and a few other things that I don't like and probably aren't that much of a problem, so it's up to you to decide whether it has to be fixed or not.

The main issue is the audio: I sometimes I had problems hearing what the actor's were saying, there was too much background noise and when people were not talking it was too obvious that you just took the audio off. If you use the audio of your camera you should buy a microfone a record it separately, then should try clean the audio, or if that can't be done you could dub it later in post-production.
The beginning of the video has a nice idea for a montage that looks promising, although it remains just an idea instead of being developed into something more concrete and that remains coherent with the rest of the movie.
The cinematography sometimes looks right, and you have a few shots that are or could be more interesting, if the whole short kept the same style all the time: also, having shaky shots and steady ones in the same scene doesn't make much sense.
There's something that doesn't look right with the colors of some scenes, too, the white balance changes throughout the film: these things are quite distracting.
The effects don't seem realistic

The actors sometimes only do half of the work they should do. They either are not taking too seriously what they're doing or are not having as much fun as they should (or both), playing their characters.
Another thing I didn't like was the music, because it's like trying to force a mood with the images, instead of suggesting it, and to me it's one that doesn't stick too well.

Because english is not my first language I couldn't actually express exactly all that I had in mind, and what I wrote might appear more harsh and negative than what I intended.
I don't think it actually takes too much to get better, one only needs to have a clear idea of what has to be done and what each thing one means or can imply in the context of a project.