• Joined: January 8, 2012

Topic: My first screen play for my first brick film

This is my first screen play for my first film. Let me know what you think.:)


int-day-living room

Joe is sitting on his red sofa at home in his bungalow there is also a coffee table at the center of the room as well as an arm chair to the side. we can see the back of the t.v as well as the glow of it.

t.v stops working

JOE

(Sharp groan)


Joe gets up and walks over to the television and adjusts the Ariel. This action makes no difference to the display on the the television screen. Joe then resorts to hitting the television a couple times to when it eventually explodes. the T.v appears burnt as well as Joe's head. joe shakes off the soot.

Joe

(In overly dramatic voice)Why me

Screen fades out to the credits

  • Location: Nemus
  • Joined: January 1, 2010

Re: My first screen play for my first brick film

It's a tad bit short, if you know what I mean. And the storyline isn't necessarily excessively humorous. It basically has Joe's TV not working, then he hits it and it explodes. If I understand what you're going for, I'd suggest making a few more things go wrong. Make it like he has a hard day at work, then he comes home and things don't work out for him, but he gets through everything going wrong and just as he's sitting down to watch TV, it doesn't work, then he gets angry and hits it and then it explodes. So basically just have more things go wrong, otherwise it's not really very funny. If you want specific ideas of what would make his day bad, I can do that.

kcirb-- its brick backwards.
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kcirbfilms's Website

  • Joined: January 10, 2009

Re: My first screen play for my first brick film

You don't have to write about the items/things in the room which are not important to the storytelling (like coffee table).
Screenplay has to be written accurately in order to develop a story (it's not a novel) and if let's say coffee table is not playing any part in the story then don't mention it. In my opinion it's pretty good but kcirbfilms does have some good points.

Leo's World's Website