woah...for me is amazing...good job ...

Very interesting idea. I like it. A couple of things:

• Where are the organs coming from? And don't say from the losers of the fight. They're fighting to the death, so pretty much all their internal organs would be destroyed. Are the organizers of the fight connected with a hospital? Or a morgue? Or a crematorium? (Personally, I think that last one is the most conceivable.)

• Definitely have the organ recipients themselves fighting. They'd have the desperation and the nothing-left-to-lose attitude that friends wouldn't. And if you found out about something like this, would you go around telling friends about it, risking that they'd blow the cover of the whole thing?

• I think this is what Fib was getting at... It's a good concept, but what's the story? You need three things: A main character that we can root for, a goal he's trying to accomplish, and something/someone working to keep him from reaching that goal. Pick a main character, and work from there.

• Lose the "organization" and give us just one mastermind and a few cronies. There isn't millions to be made in a scheme like this, so I don't see how a whole group of people could be involved. You wouldn't really need a whole crew to run something like this anyway. One guy who started the operation and gets the organs, a couple of dead-end factory workers to recruit and run the show, and that's all you need.

• I don't know about the selling the tapes on the internet. I don't see how you could possibly get away with that for very long without the FBI tracing the IP address and shutting you down. Perhaps they sell tapes the old-fashioned way (to shady backwoods retailers), or maybe the participants have to buy in (enough to make the organizers some cash, but much less than it would take to bribe the hospital staff to get to the top of the list).

• Keep in mind the issue of rejection. You can't just take any organ, stick into someone's body, and expect it to work. Even transplants that do work require the recipient to take medication for the rest of their life to keep their immune system from destroying their new organ. I don't know how this would factor into your story, and in fact, I think it might be best if you just ignored it completely. Dramatic license is a wonderful thing.
  

EDIT: Oh, and dude, type your words out. Enough with the bc and b4 and w8 and ppl crap. You've got a very good idea here, but I almost didn't read it because I took one look at how poorly it was typed and almost moved on.

Last edited by Noodle (February 25, 2009 (11:40pm))

I really think this Idea is cool but it seems a bit flawed.

-How are they finding the recipients? Are they stalking them? Do they somehow get the names from the hospital? (Ie: The "Mastermind" works at the hospital?)

-How will the organ be transplanted? Do they hire a doctor? Or do they do it themselves? (Doing surgery by themselves makes it a bit more sadistic/interesting.

-Why would the character only fight for the organ so he could sell it illegaly? It would have to be transplanted in 24 hours.

Maybe you think he's gonna sell it but he doesn't want to admit that he's giving it to a relative who is dying.