Topic: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

Hey guys.
I recently just came up with an idea for a new film.
Here is a rough script that I just came up with:

Timmy --- A 12 Year old boy
Deadeye--- A Clone Private
Jeff --- Timmy's Best freind
---------------------------------

It was a friday night; Timmy went to have a sleep over at Jeff's house.
Timmy and Jim played Xbox together until they got tired.
After hours of Xbox, Timmy and Jim got into their sleeping bags and fell asleep.
Timmy soon found himself at the Star Wars planet of Kashyyyk. He was inside his own dream.
Timmy is behind a small baricade of logs with many other clone troopers, he sees droids shooting near him.
Each few seconds somebody gets shot, jimmy starts to panic.
Timmy Yells: "Whats happening!!"
Clone Commander: "What do you mean, your in war!!
The Clone Commander looks at Timmy and says "Wheres your blaster"
Jimmy: "What Blaster?"
The clone commander hands Timmy a DC-15 Blaster.
A bomb exploads near Timmy.
The clone commander and Timmy take cover behind the logs with a few other clones.
Timmy: "I'm not supposed to be here!"
Clone Commander: "What do you mean? Your in the 501st platoon, right?
Timmy: The 501st Platoon? I'm not in any platoon, I am not supposed to be here!
Clone Commander: "You mean your a citizen?"
Timmy: "Yes, do i look like a solider to you?"
Clone Commander: "I will have one of my corporals take you to a shelter.
Clone Commander yells: "Hey, Ace! Get over here!"
The Corporal leaves his cover to report to the commander, but he is shot and killed
Clone Commander: "Damn!"
The Clone Commander looks at one of the privates sitting next to him.
Clone Commander: "Deadeye, take this citizen to the shelter, ASAP!"
Deadeye: Me? Yes, sir.

------------------------------------------------------------
The rest is incomplete, but I have the ending:

Timmy wakes up and says "Woah. Maybe i shouldn't play xbox before bed anymore"


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This was my first script, so if you guys have feedback, that would be great.

Last edited by Realmotionstudios (July 23, 2009 (06:21pm))

When you remove hope, you are still left with hope.

Re: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

You lost me at "Star Wars." It might work, provided you figure out how the story ends, but I'd definitely like to see them in the universe of some other game instead. Perhaps Call of Duty? Metal Gear? Or the obvious, Halo?

With all due respect Noodle, I don't want you here. - Ratboy Productions

Re: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

TheNoodle26 wrote:

You lost me at "Star Wars." It might work, provided you figure out how the story ends, but I'd definitely like to see them in the universe of some other game instead. Perhaps Call of Duty? Metal Gear? Or the obvious, Halo?

yes...with Halo could work...anyway, I like the main story...

Re: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

I would change the title to start off with, it sounds rather plain to me. But that's up to you.

I like what you have so far, but you should build the storyline off of specific games, not just war games in general.

My other suggestion is to have him jump from game to game, not just being in war. He could randomly enter a mario game or a zelda game, anything you want. I think that would add a bit more to it and it would be entertaining. It's all up to you though! mini/smile

Re: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

Or you could just combine characters from different games. As Timmy meets each new person, it's a character from a different game. I like the basic storyline, but aside from maybe one character, I'd steer clear of Star Wars.

With all due respect Noodle, I don't want you here. - Ratboy Productions

Re: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

Is it Jimmy, or Timmy?

http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/fib12345/Lolz/lulz.png
"actuallly this involves spiderman too, not batman. but im also taking a new approach, more comedy, less action. i dont see to many movies like that with more comedy than action" --SteveStarfyTV on an Indiana Jones meets Star Wars idea.

Re: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

He should say: man thats the last time i put ketchup on my ice cream for dessert:lol:XD:lol::o

Re: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

woah woah is it Jimmy or Timmy you keep changing it?

C910 is awesome. Gonna try to post an animation EVERY WEEK! SUNDAY or MONDAY!
YouTube

Re: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

MPfist0 wrote:
TheNoodle26 wrote:

You lost me at "Star Wars." It might work, provided you figure out how the story ends, but I'd definitely like to see them in the universe of some other game instead. Perhaps Call of Duty? Metal Gear? Or the obvious, Halo?

yes...with Halo could work...anyway, I like the main story...

The only problem with that is the immense shortage of lego Halo Marine and Masterchief helmets at Brickforge. he'd either have to wait thirty years for one to become available or make one himself (not the greatest situation).

C910 is awesome. Gonna try to post an animation EVERY WEEK! SUNDAY or MONDAY!
YouTube

Re: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

one more thing. change Ace's name to something else. do you know how many people use that name for a Clone Trooper.
Hope i helped.

C910 is awesome. Gonna try to post an animation EVERY WEEK! SUNDAY or MONDAY!
YouTube

Re: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

You have a very good idea, but I think that at the end you wrote yourself into a dead end. Instead of the clone troopers fight to get Timmy to safety, try making him part of the war. Here's how I would write it:

It was a friday night; Timmy went to have a sleep over at Jeff's house.
Timmy and Jim played Xbox together until they got tired.
After hours of Xbox, Timmy and Jim got into their sleeping bags and fell asleep.
Timmy soon found himself at the Star Wars planet of Kashyyyk. He was inside his own dream.
Timmy is behind a small baricade of logs with many other clone troopers, he sees droids shooting near him.
Each few seconds somebody gets shot, jimmy starts to panic.
Timmy Yells: "Whats happening!!"
Clone Commander: "What do you mean, your in war!!
The Clone Commander looks at Timmy and says "Wheres your blaster"
Jimmy: "What Blaster?"
The clone commander hands Timmy a DC-15 Blaster.
A bomb exploads near Timmy.
The clone commander and Timmy take cover behind the logs with a few other clones.
Timmy: "I'm not supposed to be here!"
Clone Commander: "What do you mean? Your in the 501st platoon, right?
Timmy: The 501st Platoon? I'm not in any platoon, I am not supposed to be here!
Clone Commander: "You mean your a citizen?"
Timmy: "Yes, do i look like a solider to you?"
Clone Commander: "We'll,no, but the next safe zone isn't until about 250 clicks east. You're stuck with us until we can get you there."
Timmy: "What the hell does that mean?!"
Clone Commander: "It means, 'Welcome to the 501st, private'!"

From here you could take the story into a completly different direction. The rest of the story would probably be about Timmy's fight for survival as he travels across the battlefields until he gets to the safe zone, where his friend Jim finnaly wakes him up. You can probably fill in the gaps.

                                   Your Friend,
                                                    Neo Anderson (not really) mini/sunnies

Re: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

Funny, because I made a comedy like that when I was a noob. A friend shows the main characters a star wars movie, and they dream that they are in SW.


But take noodle's advice. Or have them playing SSBB on the Wii and then they dream about being the Ice Climbers.

http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/fib12345/Lolz/lulz.png
"actuallly this involves spiderman too, not batman. but im also taking a new approach, more comedy, less action. i dont see to many movies like that with more comedy than action" --SteveStarfyTV on an Indiana Jones meets Star Wars idea.

Re: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

Funny, because I made a comedy like that when I was a noob. A friend shows the main characters a star wars movie, and they dream that they are in SW.


But take noodle's advice. Or have them playing SSBB on the Wii and then they dream about being the Ice Climbers.

http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/fib12345/Lolz/lulz.png
"actuallly this involves spiderman too, not batman. but im also taking a new approach, more comedy, less action. i dont see to many movies like that with more comedy than action" --SteveStarfyTV on an Indiana Jones meets Star Wars idea.

Re: "The Weird Dream" Inncomplete script

Woah! Double post alert!

http://www.majhost.com/gallery/BGanimations/Signatures/final_400x100.png