Bricks in Motion
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So a while ago I finished up a script for my new movie and I was wondering, what can I improve? I figured that the community here could help me. The document can be found here. I know it's written in an extremely odd format but that's just what I prefer (stuff in between the brackets is the setting or action). Please tell me your opinions and maybe even improvements. Also don't steal the script 
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Last edited by Keesret (April 24, 2012 (08:14am))
Not bad but could use some work
Go on the BIM chat room and I will explain what I think it needs changed
I think it's great.
One thing I would do is add a little to one of the first lines: "I think this is the 4th time, or the 5th....Or maybe even the 6th." It sounds better to me with the extra phrase.
Also, after reading the script, it seems like as soon as Bob gets out of the sand, the pace really goes in "Fast and Furious" mode until the end. (Which is great if that's what you're wanting.) But it needs to slow down for the ending, so you should add some lines in the last scene. Also Bob needs to react in some way to Oliver's announcement at the end, even a basic facepalm would work.
Other than those little things, I think you did a great job with this.
Last edited by Pritchard Studios (April 24, 2012 (08:59am))
if you want to see one of my scripts pm me and I will link you to my current one so you see how we script the scenes with no words
Thanks, I added the bit you said. You shall, just like Minifigurestudios be credited. The fast and furious bit is not really true. Between the dialogue there's a lot of non talking scenes, thanks for the help though!
I see now, guess I just read it weirdly. 
And although it could be made like that, I'm glad that I was mistaken, because it would be a lot better at a slower pace.
Anyway, it sounds like a great movie, so please think of me come casting-call time.
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