Recently I have started writing the script for my first brickfilm in about three years and after writing four scenes then reading them back over I got a little worried with my opening scene. It is probably the most bland (cinematography wise) scene in the entire film and I just wanted to know if it entises the audience enough for them to keep watching.

Here it is - the first draft anyway

SCENE ONE - LOOKING BACK

FADES INTO AN A SHOT OF A PRISON CORRIDOR WITH A PRISON SCREW PATROLLING UP AND DOWN IT, THE CAMERA TRACKS HIS MOVEMENT UNTIL THE CAMERA STOPS ON AN EYE-LINE SHOT OF GEORGE THROUGH A SET OF STEEL BARS WHERE HE SITS IN A PRISON CELL. THE CAMERA SLOWLY ZOOMING IN ON HIS FACE AS HE STARTS NARRATING.

GEORGE

"Ya' know, it's funny to think I wouldn't be in this situation if I hadn't volunteered to be, I could've just walked away anytime, called it quits, but no, he had to keep danglin' the goodies in front of me, keep me sweet, happy, just like he a child. I suppose I can't lay all the blame on him, he just gave me that little extra push, a push that threw me over the edge, into a life of greed, hatred 'n' dismay. 'n' to tell ya' the truth everything about the lifestyle was great, the wealth, the adventure, the power, it's a life I'd still be leadin' if it wasn't for that two-faced coward stitchin' me up, leavin' me to the dogs. I guess by now you'll be wantin' to know how this tale begins, well, I tell ya' it aint nothin' excitin' or fancy, in fact it started all but six months ago..."

THE CAMERA FADES OUT AND THE NARRATING IS COMPLETED IN SCENE TWO.

Constructed feedback would be nice

-AngryMouse-

Last edited by AngryMouse (December 11, 2011 (05:26pm))