City of Sadness

Amazing film by Hou Hsiao-Hsien that none of you have ever heard of probably. This should be remedied, as it is beautiful.

Powder
liked it, but i've seen better. very nice video.

Tell No One

A very tense and well-made thriller. Quite good.

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District 9

Fan-freaking-tastic. I feel like a big moron for not seeing this earlier.

Hausu is amazing, I saw it with some friends at a theater that served beer and pizza, I would recommend drinking while watching it, it's just that kind of film.

Queen of Outer Space

This film is so damn good. It was on TV after the more mainstream film (Child's Play) finished. After watching the end of that, this 1950's sci-fi gem started. This film deserves a long post.

The film starts off with three astronauts being told that their next mission is to a space station, and I'm pretty sure that they never actually explain why they need to go, just that it's "a very important mission". So, they hop into their spaceship, which is built entirely out of stock footage, and after they strap a scientist to what looks like a hospital bed, they then strap themselves into their seats, lean them back, and wait for liftoff.

When they get into space, the window still has sky-blue behind it. The ship has also changed appearance. They look out at the space station and see that there's a strange beam of light that keeps zipping past them and the space station. We see this keep happening for what felt like about five minutes. Then the beam of light hits the space station and blows it to smithereens. The light then starts going for the spaceship, so they decide to get away by making the ship go as fast as possible. ONE HUNDRED MILES A SECOND!!!

Now, instead of a cool Millennium Falcon hyperspace effect or something, we get to see about two minutes of the actors trying to look like this guy. They were were being put under a lot of g-force (or whatever), so I guess it makes sense. It still looks really stupid.

The ship lands on a mysterious planet after it is superimposed with fire. When the astronauts wake up, they see that out of the window is lots and lots of snow!

"Is that snow?"
"No, it's angel hair. We've died and gone to heaven!"

Angel Hair? Really? And no, unfortunately these guys didn't die, so they decide to figure out where they are. They decide to turn off the artificial gravity to see if they have landed on earth, and they see that the gravity is now hovering around a "0.8". They're not on earth anymore, apparently. This leads to the greatest quote in the entire film.

"Because the gravity is so close to that of Earth's, the atmosphere should be breathable!"

And that was coming from the scientist. I mean, !@#$ really. Anyway, they decide to venture out of the ship, and they enter a huge forest. There is no snow to be seen, which is a little weird. After looking at the plants, the scientist realises that they have landed on Venus. Even though Venus is not covered in snow and/or forest, the atmosphere is so thick that light never reaches the surface, the temperature there would easily melt all of them, and it's about 36,000.000 miles away from Earth.

"It would appear that all things are possible in space."

Oh, alright then. That explains how they encounter women on the planet. Lots of them. Not green women, not women with antennae, just normal earth women who speak perfect english. Even Avatar tried harder than that. Zing! High Five, Max!]

The women have laser beams, which the astronauts describe as "those shooting irons". Wow.
They are captured by the women and taken to see their queen, who wears a mask for some reason. She says that the earthlings must have come here to start a war, because earthlings are a violent race. Fair enough, although earthlings didn't even know that these women existed.
Anyway, she decided to blow up planet earth because earthlings are violent. Anyone else sensing the irony here?
She does explain why they are speaking english, though. ("We have been monitoring your transmissions for decades!"). 1) English isn't the only language that is spoken on earth. 2) Why the hell did you start speaking it anyway?

While they're in a jail cell, the astronauts discuss their present situation.

"The ray that destroyed the space station and knocked us off our course may have originated right here."
"Oh, come off it! How could a bunch of women invent a gizmo like that?"
"Sure, and even if they invented it, how could they aim it? You know how women drivers are!"

Yet another stark reminder that this was made in the fifties.

Lucky for the astronauts, Zsa Zsa Gabor comes along and explains that not all the women are evil like their queen, and that their queen banished all the men off the planet. Strange how the race can continue without men. I'm not saying this in a sexist way, but in a "that's not biologically possible" way.

"How did she manage to overthrow the men?"
"They didn't take her seriously. They were preparing for war. After all, she was only a woman."

They decide that it would be a good idea to try and seduce the queen, so she'll be nice to them and let them go home. They also "realise" that she must be wearing the mask to cover her beauty, because she is too beautiful to show her face. Of course.

The captain astronaut tries to seduce her, and in the process takes her mask off. Her face is "hideously scarred", which seems to be another term for having pink paper mache glued to her face. The reason her face is "hideously scarred" is because men exposed it to radiation. That's why she hates men. She gets angry and sends him back to his cell.

Zsa Zsa Gabor and some other girls help them escape, and before they're captured again, they fall in love with eachother. One astronaut gets one girl, another astronaut gets another girl, Zsa Zsa Gabor and the captain astronaut fall in love, and the scientist... well, he just chillaxes offscreen.

The queen has a huge laser beam, which she makes the men and the rebel women stand in front of. She is going to make them watch as she destroys the earth.

However, the machine doesn't work, she goes inside to check what's wrong, and it blows up. Zsa Zsa becomes the new queen, the scientist gets like fifty girls, everyone lives happily ever after, albeit rather disappointed with the somewhat anticlimactic climax, the end.

Wow, I made this post way too long. Basically, it was an awesome film.

Last edited by Danimation (November 7, 2010 (04:29am))

GIANT ALIEN BANANAS FROM OUTER SPACE UPDATE THREAD!

noooooooo take it back! take it back! *force choke* take it back now!

Burke and Hare

All the negative reviews it has been getting seem a little unfair. I found it to be a nice little film with some nice little laughs. I wasn't expecting too much however. I can understand some peoples disappointment since it's Landis's first film in 12 years or so and it's not up to par with his older films but still I didn't think it was that terrible. I may like it more because I live in Edinburgh and I love Ronnie Corbett.

I saw something else which I was going to talk about but hear this! I forgot what it was! Hehehehe no way! I'm so silly sometimes