DO NOT bump your own thread eight hours after you just posted it.
If you must bump it, wait at least 24 hours. A bunch of films were just put up, so if your doesn't happen to get critiqued in the time-frame that you want to be it in, don't worry because it's happening to others as well.

Now, the most obvious flaws are:
#1. The HUGE amount of set bumping/wiggling. (Did you even have the various parts fastened down?)

#2. The cropping being way too low. (Why would you cut the top part of the guy's head off? Always, always, leave a space above the guy's head.)

#3.  The sound work is....Well....

I distinctly heard the sound of a mouse clicking after most of the lines, and you really needed more sounds as well as background music. Also, why would the feller say "By the way, that kid is gone?" We just saw him handcuffed, and therefore he's obviously gone. Is the guy taking to himself or what? I think you were trying to build up the suspense for when he returns, or trying to make sure the viewers thought he was gone, but either way, it sounded very awkward and forced. (A few other lines felt the same way as well.) The sound for the face palm would have been better used for throwing a tomato against a wall. It didn't sound anything like slapping your forehead.
And if you don't believe me, go ahead and do it to yourself and you'll see.

So, you need to remember to remove the mouse clicks at the ends of the lines, go and get yourself some good sounds/music, (And use 'em!) secure your sets down better, tilt your camera up, and work on your scripting.
I know that's a long list, but don't be discouraged, it'll all come in time.