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		<title><![CDATA[Forums - Bricks in Motion - my script]]></title>
		<link>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/topic/5662/my-script/</link>
		<description><![CDATA[The most recent posts in my script.]]></description>
		<lastBuildDate>Thu, 11 Mar 2010 19:10:21 +0000</lastBuildDate>
		<generator>PunBB</generator>
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			<title><![CDATA[Re: my script]]></title>
			<link>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/122158/#p122158</link>
			<description><![CDATA[Those are some great suggestions! I will make some changes and run it by my script editor. Thank you and I think that that will defiantly be much less of a cliche way to deliver a similar message. As i said in an older post I thought this idea had potential ( It is my avantd guarde entry) But the story is hard to develop and keep sensible in ten minutes. so thank you and suggestions are always welcome.]]></description>
			<author><![CDATA[dummy@example.com (irbricksceo)]]></author>
			<pubDate>Thu, 11 Mar 2010 19:10:21 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/122158/#p122158</guid>
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			<title><![CDATA[Re: my script]]></title>
			<link>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/122141/#p122141</link>
			<description><![CDATA[I really liked the beginning. While reading the first sequences of the script, I was thrilled to see what would happen next. I can really imagine the battle scene where the main character gets killed in some dramatic pictures.

Unfortunately, towards the end, the story becomes more and more cliché. The message you want to deliver seems a tad bit pathetic for me, and the Hollywood-ending was rather cheesy. I have a few suggestions though, because I think the story has some serious potential.

What I was thinking to change this a little bit in order to make it maybe a little more original is: why shouldn't the Death appear to Louis in the person of e.g. his former commander, or a friend that was also shot in the battle? Louis would realize slowly that he's dead, and say something like "Damn this guy who shot me. Bet he's having a huge grin on his face now." or something comparable.

What would be more interesting than travelling to different places within history (which is really rather lame), would be staying on the battleground. You see the fight going on, while the two walk to the enemies Louis had been defeating before. There, they would go to the man who had killed Louis and see him lying injured on the ground a bit offside the actual battle. Death would ask "Does he look like a proud victor to you?", and Louis would realize that for both sides involved the battle leads to no good.

However, at that very moment, Louis would be revitalized by the combat medic. And the first thing he'd do is - going to the place offside the battleground and finding his enemy who had shot on him. And then slowly giving him a hand and helping him stand up.


These are just a few suggestions, I hope they are helpful for you in some way. I personally think this would deliver the message you're trying to imply in a more subtile, yet more elegant way.

- JD]]></description>
			<author><![CDATA[dummy@example.com (jd16592)]]></author>
			<pubDate>Thu, 11 Mar 2010 17:45:26 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/122141/#p122141</guid>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[my script]]></title>
			<link>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/122118/#p122118</link>
			<description><![CDATA[here it is, if anyone gives suggestions i would be glad to give credit. Thanks!

The Mystery of Life... and Death
Ross Murphy
Ian Murphy
Connor Coffey
Melissa Bauch- Murphy

Part 1: Intro

Opens with a view of an ocean during a thunderstorm ... Goes black and shows title.

Now it shows parts of battles and fights with a still of death between each clip and death talking

Death: Greetings, my name is death. Most mortals call me the grim reaper, but this is just a name given to me in fear. this brings me to the point of my story, if fear is what humans feel when thinking of death, then why do they inflict death on others? I never gave it much thought until that day...
 


Part 2: The death of Louis
Takes place at a small outpost with few men

Watchman: Sir, Enemy troops down range!
Commander: Battle stations!
Watchman: They seem equal in number to us.
Louis: The turret defense system is offline sir!
Commander: No! We are susceptible to attack, get it back online now... Go!

( 2 Heavy artillery vehicles roll over the hill)

Watchman: Enemy Barrage Vehicles on route sir!
Commander: Hurry up!
Troops: We will go and try to hold back the infantry! Roger, Cover us!
Sniper Roger: You Got it.

(A shell comes through the bunker wall and knows down roger, 1 of the 2 infantry units and destroys 1 turret)

Commander: Tell Jeff we are coming down now! Where is Louis with that turret system!
Infantry: Jeff, We have trouble, we are coming down, work on the turrets and fast.

( remaining troops meet Jeff and 1 infantry in backup bunker in a canyon, all of a sudden, as 3 more shell come through a missile is launched and destroyed right before impact by turret 2.)

Louis: Commander, it is done. 
Commander: good job... Watch out!

( Shell comes through and strikes the wall Louis is on, sending Louis down and under rubble... to his death.)


Commander: Get those tanks out now before we lose more men...

( fades out)


Part 3: Confronting Death
An eerie canyon identical to the one he died in but silent and lacking all military structures


Louis: ( slowly standing up) Uggh.... Where am I?
Death: you are dead Louis, you were killed in battle and now are here with me, Death.

(Louis Starts Freaking out)

Death: Calm Down Louis, it is not as bad as you mortals have made it out to be. You have been liberated of your restrictions and are now ready to do as you like, within reason.

Louis: But why, I was not doing anything bad, I was saving people and yet my life was taken... why must people live on killing?

(Death turns away)

Death: ... I have often thought the same thing... the world is a funny place. Never have I given it much thought. However, if you so want to know, then let’s go on a journey.
Louis: What kind?
Death: we shall explore history an find out exactly what you asked, why has man, who always fears death, always had the drive to kill.
Louis: ( Nervously) Alright...
Death: shall we?

( Both walk into a gate and don’t come out the other side...

Deaths Voice: And so we went on the journey that changed my views on life... and death.

Part 4: The Journey
Takes place in segments

Sub A: The roman gladiatorial fights

Death: here we are, the gladiators!
(Gladiatorial fight going on)
Death: do you know the Origins of this practice? I have never seen something so gruesome.
Louis: Yes, the Romans would have their prisoners and enemies fight for entertainment.
Death: wow... I have never heard of something so odd. That is so cruel for entertainment.
 Louis: Yeah... but it was thought of as fun.
Death: so, killing was thought of as fun.

Sub B: The Napoleonic war

Death: Ahhhh.... The Napoleonic war...  one Europe’s most damaging wars.
Louis: ahh... yes this war was about building an empire without any care of the damage.
Death: hmm. seems like a morbid way to expand.
Louis: yes but Napoleon thought it would be great.
Well, we should make note of this, Killing for self expansion.

Sub C: WWII

Louis: Wow... This is the war that killed me...
Death: yes... So what was the purpose of this?
Louis: People decided to persecute one group and kill them, we fight to prevent this from happening.
Death: So, killing because of hatred. Let’s go, i think we know enough. 

Part 5: The Ending
Takes place in the land of the dead

Death: And so we returned to my domain, Louis had by now calmed down... But I still felt like I owed him. Together we had realized that these actions were out of greed and could not be changed. But for those whose fight for justice, all will work out in the end, for each small victory, they will be one step closer to happiness. But how to thank him? Of course! He had a lover back on earth...


Death: Louis, I have decided that to thank you I will put you back on earth, and I will guarantee you and Elsa a happy and long future...

Louis: What! Thank you so much!

Death: no... thank you, for opening my eyes.



And so, Louis’ life  was restored and he married Elsa as soon as the war was over. Even though his happiness seemed small in the world, it was also, the twinkle of a  star, showing that out of the evil of the world... one can find happiness]]></description>
			<author><![CDATA[dummy@example.com (irbricksceo)]]></author>
			<pubDate>Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:11:56 +0000</pubDate>
			<guid>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/122118/#p122118</guid>
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