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	<title type="html"><![CDATA[Forums - Bricks in Motion - A Brick Film Movie [Script]: Radio Waves]]></title>
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	<updated>2010-11-25T20:04:56Z</updated>
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	<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/topic/8558/a-brick-film-movie-script-radio-waves/</id>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Re: A Brick Film Movie [Script]: Radio Waves]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182757/#p182757"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[Thank-you for the review, finally someone answered lol. For the car scene it play's a later role in the movie, it is for foreshadowing purposes. It is the intro to the film aswell, and I have the other details written down, but I didn't what to take the chance of someone copying the script. 

For the next scene the reason I did not use, a name for another world leader, I was going to use an actual person's name but I did not want to get into legal trouble. Also if you noticed Finn,  which is the child's name, sounds more mature than his father. Further building a character, so basically, his Father is still more protective, but instead of his Father asking "How was your day", the Son, does to show the maturity and responsibility he has. He takes care of his father more than his father takes care of him. And it was just an excerpt of the news, when Finn is leaving the anchor is continue talking but barely able to make out what he is saying. 

The villains who lost the blueprint, that flew out of their car did not know it flew out. However, the reason they try approaching it aggressively, is because it is extremely important in their plans, and it could expose them. They find out who it is, because later you find out who has it because of cameras and sattelites, everywhere. They notice it is gone when they get back to base.

And you guessed Gregg, a Old Doc Brown Insane character. And yes I meant neurons, for some reason it kept changing it back to neutrons. And yes the paralysis is important later on.  

At first they did not try to be stalkers, but Finn, has a little bit of paranoia, for a good reason. And he ran off when the man was trying to approach him. And for the punctuation, I posted the first draft for my own reasons; such as to avoid attempted copyright violations.
Thank-you so much for the review, and also thanks for that program Celtx, very useful.]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[TheEjayProductions]]></name>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/2844/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2010-11-25T20:04:56Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182757/#p182757</id>
		</entry>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Re: A Brick Film Movie [Script]: Radio Waves]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182752/#p182752"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[You want us to tell you what we think of the script? Be careful what you wish for. If you just want people to tell you it's great, don't bother reading this. Consider yourself warned.

Scene by scene:

[list=1]
[*](in car): Not sure the point of this scene. It doesn't set up any necessary situation, and while it kind of gets across the idea of some friction between the child and father, that could easily be done in the next scene. And the lack of character descriptions (for example, how old the kid is or even his gender) is a big misstep... you know what you're thinking of, but the reader doesn't.[/*]
[*](with TV): The father/kid friction's here as well, further making the first scene unnecessary. Both characters sound exactly the same... you should be able to present most lines without listing who said it and the reader be able to figure it out. And no anchor would be as generic as to say "another world leader." Give a name. And for that matter, it would make more sense to me if the anchor was the one who brought up about it being the "fifth one that week."[/*]
[*](finding paper): The bad guys let a piece of paper with some of their info get blown out of their car? And they don't notice it fast enough to immediately stop and get it, but do notice it fast enough for them to know who ends up with it? There has to be a better way for this kid to get mixed up in things.[/*]
[*](Gregg's): Again, lack of character description is critical. Is this Gregg guy an older, Doc Brown-type character? Or a young, uber-nerdy friend? Same issue with identical character voices. Unless the paralysis cure becomes important later in the script, you don't need to go into detail about it here. And neutrons are sub-atomic particles. I think you were looking for "neuron."[/*]
[*](following): I already pointed out the implausibility of the bad guys finding the kid in the first place, but also, I'm a little confused why they went straight to the creepy stalker thing instead of first playing nice ("Hey, excuse me, something blew out of my car, you wouldn't happen to know where it is?"). But I'm willing to grant you both of these concessions as dramatic license.[/*]
[/list]

It's not a bad start, but it's typical for a younger writer... and typical for a younger writer simply won't hold a viewer's attention for over an hour no matter how good the visuals are. The pieces are there for a solid story, but how you're telling it needs work. Make your characters more distinctive, streamline things where necessary, and show things a bit more instead of having your characters talk about everything... film is a visual medium. Do yourself a favor and download Celtx as well. Using proper format goes a lot farther than you realize. And lastly, start using proper punctuation--the missing commas, question marks, and extra apostrophes everywhere scream "young writer" more than anything else.

Good luck. For a project this ambitious, you'll need it.]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[Noodle]]></name>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/26/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2010-11-25T19:42:16Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182752/#p182752</id>
		</entry>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Re: A Brick Film Movie [Script]: Radio Waves]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182735/#p182735"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[The reason my script is so long, is because another hobby of mine is writing scripts and books. I have written about over 100 scripts about the same length, but if I don't like how it play's out in my head, I delete it. I have a satire script written out, In which I will make a miniseries for, I have not copyrighted it so I shall not post it. And then a post-apocalyptic movie script which is not done, and then specials for every holiday.]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[TheEjayProductions]]></name>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/2844/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2010-11-25T18:18:00Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182735/#p182735</id>
		</entry>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Re: A Brick Film Movie [Script]: Radio Waves]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182729/#p182729"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[Lol no to copyright it I went to this site, [url]http://www.copyright.gov/eco/,[/url] I wrote alot, and it is possible for the car scene to have it inside the car while driving you only make the front half of the car and the back half separately, And the car I am using is not a custom, it comes in one of those small boxes for about 7 Dollars. But the car looks modern, which is why I got it. It's basically an actual movie but with lego. But Lol, No one has answered what do you think of the script?]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[TheEjayProductions]]></name>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/2844/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2010-11-25T18:11:58Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182729/#p182729</id>
		</entry>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Re: A Brick Film Movie [Script]: Radio Waves]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182674/#p182674"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[© i copyright this post. (is that all you do?) :lol: 
anyways....
In scene one, are you going to have the camera in the car? would that be even possible, or are you making your own car?

And if that's only the beginning, how much more did you write?]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[Mason]]></name>
				<email><![CDATA[mindofmason@gmail.com]]></email>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/2302/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2010-11-25T15:03:01Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182674/#p182674</id>
		</entry>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Re: A Brick Film Movie [Script]: Radio Waves]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182649/#p182649"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[[quote=mcoov]I don't know of a single instance where anyone here has actually copyrighted their script before.[/quote]


Heheh, that's because I don't put mine online, but I do copyright them.


You know it's free? If you have proof that you made it, then anyone else who copies it can be punished by law. (However unlikely)]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[Brickyman]]></name>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/110/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2010-11-25T11:29:33Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182649/#p182649</id>
		</entry>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Re: A Brick Film Movie [Script]: Radio Waves]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182616/#p182616"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[What do you think of the script so far?]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[TheEjayProductions]]></name>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/2844/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2010-11-25T05:11:13Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182616/#p182616</id>
		</entry>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Re: A Brick Film Movie [Script]: Radio Waves]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182615/#p182615"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[Well I plan to make this an hour 1/2 movie maybe even more, I would hate it for all my work to be gone.]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[TheEjayProductions]]></name>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/2844/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2010-11-25T05:10:23Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182615/#p182615</id>
		</entry>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Re: A Brick Film Movie [Script]: Radio Waves]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182614/#p182614"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[I don't know of a single instance where anyone here has actually copyrighted their script before.]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[mcoov]]></name>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/51/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2010-11-25T05:05:21Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182614/#p182614</id>
		</entry>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[A Brick Film Movie [Script]: Radio Waves]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182612/#p182612"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[Ok I just got back the copyright proof today , My first copyright for a script! Also Dont attempt to copy it. Well here is the beggining of the script (I've written far more, in a PDF format, but for these purposes in txt format), tell me what you think:
*Rainy*
*In a car (FP)*
Backseat child: Can you just turn off the radio, dad.
Father: Sure thing
*Child Leaning on hand while looking out window, Out of window view*
Father: Did you figure out the math puzzle I gave you?
Child: 3,347,541
Father: Yea…
Child: I don't think we are going to make it to your presentation
Father: Hey, lets be a little optimistic here
Child: Ok drop me off here
Father: Be careful
Child: I'm not six
Father: Right
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Child Watching tv*
*Camera switches to father walking into house through door*
*Child turns off television, and switches to a book*
Child: How did your presentation go?
*Camera switches to father getting a meal out of drawer*
Father: Um..Fine
Child: It didn't work did it?
Father: No…
Child: Where did you put the transmitter?
Father: I threw it away
Child: You threw it away? And you're suppose to be the frugal one.
Father: And you never waste money.
Child: You know how I feel about sarcasm.
*Father walks toward couch next to child desk*
Father: Do you mind if I watch television
Child: Go ahead
*Father turns on television*
*Camera goes to tv*
Anchorman: Another Assassination was attempted against another world leader. Fortunately, it was unsuccesful. However, the accused man is said to be unrelated to the other assassination's this week.
*camera back to father*
Child: Im going to Gregg's house
*Camera showing childs back toward camera while being out of focus, (focusing on father)*
Father: Have Fun
Father: Woah, Thats the 5th attempt this week,
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Child Walking along sidewalk*
*Paper flies out of car and catches on side walk edge*
*Child picks it up*
Child talks to himself: Channel Access: 148.23, Signed Echo Alpha
Child: Gregg would like this...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gregg: It appears to be some sort of blueprint
Child: Do you know what it can be for?
Gregg: It looks like some sort of super radio
Child: What do you mean?
Gregg: It can send radio waves to very far distances
Child: And does the sequence of numbers on the back of the blue print mean anything
Gregg: No idea, he he
Child: What are you working on?
Gregg: A cure for paralysis!
Child: Wait what?
Gregg: If I can replicate a working neutron, than substitute it for the  damaged ones. But I must figure a way to program the artificial neutrons. Oh your laptops over fixed.
Child: Thanks! well Im gonna be heading back
Gregg: Don't forget your blueprint
Child: Keep it, it's useless.
*Gregg looks at the blueprint and then looks at the camera*
*Child walks out door, door closes*
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Child walking on sidewalk*
*Child stops and looks back and sees man following him*
*"Child looks back again, starts walking faster"*]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[TheEjayProductions]]></name>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/2844/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2010-11-25T05:01:49Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/182612/#p182612</id>
		</entry>
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