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	<title type="html"><![CDATA[Forums - Bricks in Motion - my first screen play (revised)]]></title>
	<link rel="self" href="http://bricksinmotion.com/forums/feed/atom/topic/13018/"/>
	<updated>2012-01-10T13:33:28Z</updated>
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	<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/topic/13018/my-first-screen-play-revised/</id>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Re: my first screen play (revised)]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/258416/#p258416"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[It's sort of bland. I can tell you're trying to be funny, but it's more depressing than it is funny. But don't worry, keep practicing at it, and you'll make better scripts. :)]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[Chris W.]]></name>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/2438/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2012-01-10T13:33:28Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/258416/#p258416</id>
		</entry>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Re: my first screen play (revised)]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/258358/#p258358"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[Um... how do I put this... I'm kind of throwing you a life line here. Unless if this has superb quality and is animated very nicely, I don't see this being very funny. I can help if you want with ideas. Now go make yourself awesomness! (Did you se what I did there?)]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[Mr.Rundown101]]></name>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/3803/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2012-01-10T00:00:31Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/258358/#p258358</id>
		</entry>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Re: my first screen play (revised)]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/258345/#p258345"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[It seems to be well written athough I'm don't know a lot about professinal screen writing :lol:  But the main problem I see is the story has no point.]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[MoonLight]]></name>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/124521/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2012-01-09T23:07:36Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/258345/#p258345</id>
		</entry>
		<entry>
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[my first screen play (revised)]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" href="https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/258307/#p258307"/>
			<content type="html"><![CDATA[Hopefully it will be better then the original screen play, hope you like it.:) 


Int-Call center-day

The scene opens to a Call Center were we can see Joe sitting at his desk taking calls and typing away at his computer.

Joe(taking call)

Hello how can i help you. Sir I'm afraid this isn't a shoe shop goodbye. No i will not ring you back.

Joes boss

(Shouts)Joe get over here.


Joe gets up and walks over to his boss and as hes talking to him you can see Joe's stuff being nicked over his shoulder

JOES BOSS

Now Joe Your work has been recently, how do i put this, lacking in quality. Now Joe i am throwing you a life line here, a way to make sure you don't get fired and neither do I.

Joe staring into space.

JOES BOSS

(shouts)Joe,Joe. Joe are you even listening to me.

Joe

(nervously)Sir er ye sir


JOES BOSS

Good, now go out there and make me some money.

Joe goes back to his desk to find that all his stuff has  disappeared and all that remains is his desk

Joe

I hate my life.

int-living room-night

Joe opens the door to his house and walks in shutting the door behind him.he walks over to his red sofa and sits down. he then picks up the remote to switch on the television. the T.v stays on for a couple seconds playing some sort of bad commodey program before it suddenly loses signal.

JOE

(Sharp groan)


Joe gets up and walks over to the television and adjusts the Ariel. This action makes no difference to the display on the the television screen. Joe then resorts to hitting the television a couple times to when it eventually explodes. the T.v appears burnt as well as Joe's head.

Joe

i hate my life.

Screen fades out to the credits]]></content>
			<author>
				<name><![CDATA[The Enthused Brick]]></name>
				<uri>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/user/124556/</uri>
			</author>
			<updated>2012-01-09T19:04:23Z</updated>
			<id>https://bricksinmotion.com/forums/post/258307/#p258307</id>
		</entry>
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